There's no question that I would benefit from a new (i.e. NOT 15 years old) winter wetsuit, that I bought immediately prior to the advent of stretchy Yamamoto neoprene. It has an "across the shoulder" zip, leading to the feeling of having a permanently inserted coat-hanger, and is adorned with neoprene glue upon older neoprene glue in order to prevent potentially embarrassing gaping. BUT... I am, at least, able to get into and out of it single-handed (as long as my trailer is close by to hook the zip lanyard over!).
For each of the last couple of years' October trips to Daymer, I've been down to Ann's Cottage surf seconds store just outside of Newquay, perchance to obtain a replacement winter suit. On each occasion, I've re-emerged not just empty-handed, but physically wrecked following attempts to try on 3 or 4 wetsuits.
They are all the wrong shape: tall & skinny. Not made for real-world men. Nor for grossly unfit, flabby men. Having struggled into the latest and greatest, "bound to fit you, XXL/small" and found I couldn't get the damn thing over my chest & head without 3 assistants pinning me down and another stretching the wetsuit to a state of semi-transparency before strangling me by pushing my head through a pinhole between the shoulders of the suit, I then found the chest zip... Or rather, I couldn't find the chest zip because my eyes won't bloody well focus so close without my non-windsurfing-compatible reading glasses so I am completely unable to marry the two zip halves in the correct manner. At this point, 4 yoofs start muttering things like "fat bastard" to one another. So clearly not a problem with the wetsuit, then.
After 3 further attempts with offerings from different manufacturers - all of whom seem not to acknowledge the "fuller figure", I am hot to the point of expiring, and wrecked beyond the effects of a week's windsurfing in Pozo.
So... my question is: where the f**k does one buy a windsurfing-specific winter wetsuit in these days of post-windsurfing era shop deficit, that ...
- Can easily have my body inserted into it
- Can be fastened (and unfastened) and removed without a pair of handy gorillas on standby
- Is warm enough
- Ideally doesn't require a second mortgage.